I don’t believe in you
I have a mother who barely even exists. She gave birth to me some 20 years ago, and then there was a bit of sheltered growing up whilst being showered in unconditional love and then she ceased to be. Just like that. I woke up one morning and was as close to being an orphan as you can be without actually being one. It’s not that she moved away or that Death claimed her, she’s still the same woman as before. She just stopped being my mother. I’m not a judgemental person but the woman who used to be my mother is a fucking doormat. She is without doubt my greates source for loathing heterosexual women and their love for heterosexual men.
Sometimes (rather often) I try to punish myself for not being good enough for her, trying to right the wrongs using razor blades, alcohol and various other anxiety relieving substances. But the woman who used to claim me as her precious youngest daughter doesn’t deserve me, nor my blood, nor my pain. I shun her, in every sense of the word. When she made me rootless she made me ruthless, and now she’ll face the consequences: A lifetime of silent treatment. I’ve stopped believing in her.
Sometimes (rather often) I try to punish myself for not being good enough for her, trying to right the wrongs using razor blades, alcohol and various other anxiety relieving substances. But the woman who used to claim me as her precious youngest daughter doesn’t deserve me, nor my blood, nor my pain. I shun her, in every sense of the word. When she made me rootless she made me ruthless, and now she’ll face the consequences: A lifetime of silent treatment. I’ve stopped believing in her.
